Bezuna Bezka | Creative Dating Ideas | Read Romance Books Online

If he wants he will get in touch with me, if not then screw him.
But maybe he forgot my number?
No this is not an excuse. He could always get it from Andrew.

I swear I will never smoke again.
Though cigarettes are not a real problem here. The real problem are guys. I think I’m simply addicted. There is nothing else I think about! I can’t focus on work, on anything, I’m totally screwed!
If I talk to my gfs it’s only about guys, if I write it’s only about guys. I’m terrified! I can’t resist them!
Men combined with alcohol and cigarettes is a lethal irresistible mix!

No, just not this again! Terrible burning combined with pain and I’m not sure if I can manage to stop it with natural methods this time! Not only I have a bladder infection but also a swollen and red throat. It’s so bad I can’t swallow! Never kiss in the wind is an old Czech saying! Bloody Tim! Why did I even sleep with him!?

This is it. This is the end of my adventures with men! It doesn’t take me anywhere and only tires me emotionally, and physically: I drink, smoke, don’t get enough sleep, and end up with headaches not to mention the bloody bladder infections! I’m not really getting a good deal here, am I!

And he still hasn’t called me!
I hope he will not give up just because of my “I’m very busy”!

Loud music. I sit outside with some friends from theatre talking and drinking.
Andrew’s friend Tim joins us. Slender, tall, dark curly hair, nothing special as for my liking but he is so extremely nice to me! He tries chatting with me all the time and soon I find out he visited Czech republic not that long ago. The conversation goes really well.

M lungs feel heavy and disgusting.
I have a terrible headache.
I wander if Tim will call me.
But why did I tell him as I was leaving his place at 4am that I’m very busy? This could have put him off, made him think I’m not interested.
Anyway I will not think about it now. Feeling way too sick.
I have to go to sleep.
Immediately.

I’m going to a party now. My intentions are pure. I’m going to have fun, not to hunt.
The only problem is that for me one equals the other!
I’m a disaster!

I feel soon I will need a new delivery, of meat, (read ‘men’) but maybe not? I don’t need it. Time after time it proves to be pointless! I can’t be bothered with them yet I keep getting pulled towards them!

Meli says that it’s not healthy what I’m doing and I should take it easy not keep fucking around with randoms. This is physically and emotionally tiring. I know she’s right but I will no think about it for now.

If I ever figure out the mechanism that drives me and the reasons behind why I like one guy and not another I will gain control over what guys I’m choosing for myself. This is what I think anyway.

I liked Koro from the first sight even though he want extremely handsome, wasn’t too tall. For me he had this ‘something’. What is it this ‘something’. Is this something different for every girl? It must be or we would all be chasing after one guy! So what is it for me? The look of arrogance?

By the way, when a guy sticks his finger into your anus, does he do it to please you or does he do it for himself, because it turns him on? Or maybe there is some other reason for this? Maybe he would like to have anal sex with you and this is how he is trying to ‘subtlety’ communicate it? Can we please clarify this? Personally I just don’t find it appealing or pleasant. This is why I would like to understand if they do it because they like it, or because they think we like it. And if it’s the latter, then I appreciate your efforts guys but please don’t do it to me ever again.